Flin Flon, Manitoba - What a SHIT SHOW that was. Yet another dress like a seat night here at the 11:45 pm BHL game. The Ice Holes rallied late to come within 3, but Scared Hitless proved to be too much. The game finished 6-9, everyone's favorite number and sex position (except mine, I'm more of a fan of 68, you take care of me and I owe ya 1 later ha ha ha). Lets get back to the highlights. Well, actually there were no highlights. This game was a fucking embarrassment to watch. The goalies faced 6 and 9 shots respectively. These chicken tenders should consider playing soccer. The circumference of a soccer ball seems more like a fit for someone, anyone to make a save. Pavs opened the scoring for Scared Hitless, with a goal on a full wind up clap bomb that resembled a slow pitch softball pitcher lobbing in a muffin for a dinger. It hit the Ice Holes goalie in the chest and dropped down to the ice, but he was positioned inside the back of the net with the butt end of his goalie stick stuck in the net. The puck crossed the line before it hit him. Watch the highlight video here. Nope, it's the BHL here in Flin Flon. Not a single fan in attendance and as a result not even a low res, shaky Blackberry video of Newman puking on the ice after his 7 minute shift where he was dash 4, let alone this absolute gem of a game sheet journal entry.
THEY SAID IT
"Fucking Johnny, couldn't catch a pass with a fishing net if I put one on his tape" - Said Sammy, Ice Holes 3rd line LW. "Sammy was fucking awful out there and it was his night to bring the beer and he brought Busch Latte's. Fucking piss waters. The guy should be put on waivers immediately. I'm going to have to go Jimmy's Bar on First Street for $2-you-call-it's and drink til I piss myself to erase this game from the memory bank." - Johnny, Sammy's 3rd Line Center on the Ice Holes.
We caught up after the game with Scared Hitless's 2nd D pairing's, Dan and Daniel (53 year old cousins who still live at their parents house and share a room with bunk beds). "Overall, we could have played better, but we'll take the 2 points and move on. I will say though, fucking Daniel, was annoying the shit out of me. We have 8 guys that showed up tonight plus our goalie, which means there was 3 of us on the bench with the oxygen masks and Jack Daniels and fucking Daniel is sitting right next to me like a Siamese Fucking Twin. Bro, there's an entire bench that fits 14 guys and there is 3 of us with the ability to spread out and let our yam bags breathe and you sit next to me like your visiting Santy Clause telling him what you want for Xmas. Beat it, Biff." - Says Scared Hitless Assistant Captain, Dan.
NEED TO KNOW
Pete, Scared Hitless Captain, left the game after the 1st shift, because he shit his breezers and couldn't get himself cleaned up in time. Nads, the Ice Holes Assistant Coach, broke his clipboard throwing it down in anger after his team couldn't hit the goalies catcher in warmups on the horseshoe drill. Good news is Office Depot is running a sale on clipboards thru the end of the month.
Ice Holes look to extend their losing streak to 8 next week against the Swamp Donkeys at 11:15 pm here at The Hammer. Scared Hitless is hoping to have more than 8 guys show up, but it's very unlikely for next week's tilt against The Knuckle (that's MooseKnuckle for those of you idiots who don't know). Neither of these games will be televised, thankfully.
PSA. This is a parody. If you get offended by this creative writing, you are an asshole. - The F'ing Commish